we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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