I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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