Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
