Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Randomize