i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
