Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
