If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Randomize
