Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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