does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
