I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize