i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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