he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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