i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
