i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
