It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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