I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
