life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I love you. Go after that dick
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
