She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize