who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
