i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize