I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You took a bar mat shot.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
