Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
