i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
