My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
