DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Randomize
