I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize