Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
