what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
