I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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