JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize