By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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