Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
