Porn is love you can see.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
