at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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