nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
BRING THE BAGELS
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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