i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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