Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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