I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
