Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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