Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
