how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
