I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
im holly from the hills drunk
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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