worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
