He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
