I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
