words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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