Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
