i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
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