my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize