Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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