i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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