i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
