my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
