i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
