Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Randomize
