More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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