Just mADE A PArabola og urine
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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