And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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