Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
