I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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