i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
