it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
