my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
