i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
