Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
