I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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