I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
