New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
