how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
