I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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