i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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