nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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