Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Randomize
