How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
