im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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