Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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