Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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