I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
