Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
