You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
