chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
