he looks like a really good dad on facebook
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
