you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize