i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
