Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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