watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
