Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
why do cheetos always look like penises
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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