I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
