I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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