When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
